Guadeloupe

or…the island from hell.

DECEMBER 2015

No public transport, no airport transfers, no cars for rent because of the holidays, no change bureau, no wifi, no open restaurants.

Jon (who has grown in Mauritius) said that strangely all french colony islands function the same- meaning- They don’t.

We had booked couchsurfing in Basse Terre, Deshaie, an hour and a half from the aiport in the capital Pointe a Pitre. After walking 1 hour to some bus stop around the airport that we never found- I spoke to some ladies at a supermarket parking lot and they pitied us…We were super sweaty and tired. As a Christmas miracle and great gesture they gave us a ride all the way to Deshaie. Some more angels on the road.
Once in the Fort Royal hotel, we were to find Eldar, a Serbian Swedish barman who was to be our Couchsurfing host. Holly crapoly!!! His place and the whole hotel was filled with Swedish guests and employees. The flat (20 min walk from the hotel) had a party the same night with Swedish traditional bread and hot spiced wine and to add to that 50 blond blue eyed 20’s year olds Swedish girls and boys.

-We were super tired but somehow joined the celebration and spoke to many Swedish. They are so beautiful, hehe. I won’ t go into details describing all the people we met the next 5 days.

3. We went back and forth to the hotel because the house had no wifi and honestly- there was no damn transport in the whole island so we could not see much else. So everyone in the hotel knows us and likewise.

-During our short stay, we visited 3 beaches, a forest, botanical garden, the city of Deshaie and the capital.

There is so much more to do in Guadeloupe but the locals or retards there made it damn impossible for tourists. There is a volcano, waterfalls and great turtle snorkeling.

We tried hitch hiking with not too much success. Jon even hid in the bushes but my women charms did not work either. Gotta admit, that took a hit on my confidence.

One advice from me: do not go to Guadeloupe. It is one frustration after another.
Now is time to break it to you dear readers:
TRAVELING IS NOT ALWAYS COMFORTABLE. Traveling is not laying under the palm tree and someone serving you a cocktail, someone else massaging your feet. No, traveling very often is:
-having 3 swollen toes, a big ant bite and a nasty burn on the right leg
-having 2 fall wounds and one inexplicable wound on the right leg
-having to scratch on average 5 mosquito bites per minute
-not having a proper meal for 2 days. We did have cookies.
-feeling like puking everything inside during a 2 hour roller coaster ocean ferry ride

So, New years.

We had no choice guys. We sneaked into the hotel where all our new friends were working. It wasn’t easy. The security did not let us in then attempted to check out our bag filled with mixed booze. But I lied, Jon lied, we showed some staff uniforms and we got in. The rest is history, or some drunk memories. Hehehe. Happy new year dear readers, dear friends :*
New years was fireworks, live music and loads of champagne on the beach. We basically got a hotel package we never paid for 🙂

I want to underline that we had more plans to go to Gosier (the only city with bars) to another CS place but due to the lack of transport, we stayed more in Basse Terre. We never made it to the other cs, instead I reserved an airbnb 40 min walk from the Port where next morning 8 am we were to take the ferry to Dominica. The airbnb was absolutely adorable with sweet hosts and yummy breakfast. Since in Deshaie our bed/couch was super small and the Swedish were partying every night, we did not get much proper sleep. We were happy to have a calm night before departing this crappy island.

We departed and i want to honorably mention here a lovely french couple who saw us walking with heavy bags and gave us a lift to the ferry.

-The only amazing thing in Guadeloupe was the music, my zouk, zouk love. But they don’t have any clubs. So you cannot dance on the music. UGHHHH.
We saw many restaurants that say OPEN. And when we asked, they told us it has been closed since 2 years or it will open in 2 weeks or they close at 2 pm cause lunch is over and don’t do dinner. Hence why we almost never ate for 4 days. The people are just too damn lazy to work.

*typical Creole fast food: bokits, angoulou. Which basically means a sandwich and a burger.